Now you know why. And you know why she slapped me so hard. And why she’s so upset with me.”“Steve, think very carefully now. Did you have sex with Becky so that this would happen? So that you would not commit incest?”Holy shit! Was that it? Was that the missing link? It would certainly explain why I had so easily fallen into Becky’s clutches. Was I subconsciously reacting to something that society said was very, very wrong, that had upset Karin, and I knew that Kara couldn’t accept? Was that really it? I turned this over in my mind and realized that Kara might be right. But I certainly couldn’t tell Doctor Mercer about the actual cause without violating Stephanie’s trust and bringing down all kinds of wrath on both of us.“You might be right,” I said slowly and carefully. “You might just be right. It would have been subconscious because I certainly didn’t think about it.”“You didn’t think at all, except perhaps with your penis. But something inside you made you susceptible to Becky. I. My eyes were open but everything was so bright and I couldn't work out what I was looking at. And there was this rushing sound in my ears; I could hear other things, like when you were getting dressed, but they seemed far away. And there was this steady, regular thumping noise, too; I remember trying to think what on earth it could be." You were conscious, then?" Oh, yes. All the time, I think. I remember you kissed me when you left. I wanted to talk to you, get you to stay, but I couldn't speak or move a muscle. I couldn't even respond to your kiss." So after I left, you just lay there on cloud nine?" It was cloud ninety-nine," she corrected me with another glorious smile. "It was just bliss, utter bliss, it's the only word. Eventually I realised that the thumping noise was my own heart and slowly my eyes started to focus and the ringing in my ears got quieter, but for quite a while my eyeballs were the only thing I could move. As my feeling started to come back I realised I had.
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